TubaForum.net

De-tune one of their tuning slides during the break.

-------------

How do you REALLY annoy a tuba player?

Don't tell them which one.

That's really not nice .. those things are set at the factory.

gocsick wrote: Tue Aug 11, 2026 9:09 am That's really not nice .. those things are set at the factory.

That's one of those "intestines" horns.

...or - better yet - hide their mouthpiece, and don't tell them that you've hidden it.

There was a time at brass band a couple years ago, that I got out the NStar, did not see the mouthpiece pouch in my bag, and said SH!T ! The guy next to me said, "Forgot your mouthpiece?" Like, he was telepathic or something. Turned out I had it but in a different place, but I found it amusing that he knew exactly what I meant. (and he had a spare to lend me too!)

I have a darn good mouthpiece (not a Sellmansberger, but a European thing from the '60s that I actually like - except for the rim, and the rim isn't terrible) that stays in my car's glove box.

Old joke. I first heard it as:

Why was the bassist so pissed off? Because during the break in rehearsal, the timpanist turned one of the tuning pegs on the bass and then wouldn't tell him which one it was.

<rimshot>

the elephant wrote: Tue Aug 11, 2026 10:34 am Old joke. I first heard it as:

Why was the bassist so pissed off? Because during the break in rehearsal, the timpanist turned one of the tuning pegs on the bass and then wouldn't tell him which one it was.

<rimshot>

Yes.
The bass joke is actually a better joke, because - were someone to secretly move a tuning slide a few inches on a tuba - it wouldn't change anything - neither for worse nor better.

Blind date with a viola player?

Tell them “don’t you wish you played piccolo?)

Run out of beer.

How many tuba players does it take to change a lightbulb?

5.... 1 to hold the bulb and 4 to drink until the room spins.

Put them next to a drummer who can’t keep a steady beat in the polka band.

cthuba wrote: Tue Aug 11, 2026 4:04 pm Put them next to a drummer who can’t keep a steady beat in the polka band.

Oh this happened to me. And yes it drove me nuts.

Fellow tuba in the section...

Ad-lib everything instead of playing what's written.

Play everything down an octave.

Try to play all the melodies.

Don't shower for a week.

Colleague walks up to talk, and 'unwittingly' stands on the edge of your bell.

UncleBeer wrote: Thu Aug 13, 2026 2:50 pm Colleague walks up to talk, and 'unwittingly' stands on the edge of your bell.

... Colleagues know better, but not patrons.
Before he even gets to blurt out "I played tuba back in college" he's already been kicked in the nuts absolutely as hard as I can possibly manage.

bloke wrote: Thu Aug 13, 2026 10:08 pm ... Colleagues know better, but not patrons.

If only. Dunno if it's lack of awareness of body space, or whatever, but I've had colleagues do this a few times. You see the light bulb finally go on after I say "You're standing on my instrument!".

UncleBeer wrote: Fri Aug 14, 2026 4:04 am

bloke wrote: Thu Aug 13, 2026 10:08 pm ... Colleagues know better, but not patrons.

If only. Dunno if it's lack of awareness of body space, or whatever, but I've had colleagues do this a few times. You see the light bulb finally go on after I say "You're standing on my instrument!".

I guess it can happen. Come to think of it I have a friend whose bass trombone section partner (an Eastman alum and Remington student) put his folding chair leg right on my friend's 186 bell kranz.